SHE: The Diagnosis

As this doctor, that had been at the right place at the right time for her, smiled reassuringly, he repeated the words, "I am pretty sure you are experiencing what is known as 'Panic Attic's, or Anxiety". 

Quickly her brain went to work. 

Sure, she had been under a lot of pressure recently, yes, there had been a lot of very hard, heavy loads placed on her heart and shoulders, but she was doing ok now...she thought. 

So clutching a note to the pharmacist, prescribing a well known anti depressant, off she went with strict orders, to make an appointment with her regular physician as soon as possible. 

That would be no problem, if, she had such a person. 

On the second night of the perscription, it was blaringly obvious to her that this prescription was not for her. 

A call had been made to a neighboring town, and a family member's doctor was well on the way to becoming her own.

Wanting to be as actively involved as possible in understanding, and solving, what was happening in her life at this point, her self study, and study of self, began.

First of all she went to her journals. As she read through her perspectives of the past year, she began to notice a tightness in her chest as she progressed. Grabbing a notebook, and taking many, many, deep breath's she began to write down health related musings.

It started by noticing a stiff neck, followed by a toothache, that she had written about being able to 'move' to a different place when concentrating. This soon gave way to a painful earache, and trip to the last doctor she had been to. Next was noticed a tendency to hold her breath. Noticed only because of the necessity of sudden intakes of deep, lung filling breaths. There was also mention of numbness in her shoulders and hands, that she had associated with her daily employment. 

She was amazed at the growing list of 'ailments'. Both major and seemingly minor.

Once she felt that list was complete, she went back over the same journals, with a new list being made of, 'stressors', it's length overwhelmed her. 

The next step she felt she needed to take was to see how closely these things correlated with each other. Little surprise that they walked hand in hand across the pages of her journals, as well as traveling parallel through her days and nights across the mountains of her recent life's journey. 

And finally, she contacted a trusted family member to learn of the family's medical history. 

When the designated time to meet with this doctor arrived, she not only had her 'life findings' clutched in her hot little hand, she also had a list of questions that 'Dr. Google' and 'Nurse Wikipedia' had helped her accumulate.

When the doctor sat down and began the conversation with, "What seems to be the problem...", from out of nowhere her eye's filled with tears, her throat locked up with a thinly veiled sob, her arm shot forward with a jab of a shaky hand, clutching a crumpled piece of paper mere inches from his chest. He spoke not a word, but gently retrieved said paper. 

Turning it every which way the wording had spilled onto the paper. Lifting his eye's periodically to look over the papers edge at her, only to return silently to his intense deciphering of her findings. With surprisingly only one statement/question  he uttered quietly during this time, "Interesting choice of words, 'Broke my heart and hurt my spirit'?", glancing up again, "Yes, I can see that."

Eventually the paper was folded neatly back into its stress worn folds and gently handed back to her. 

Handing her also a handful of tissues, he glanced overly long at his folder, giving her time to whip her unraveling emotions back into shape. 

"You have carried so much, for so long." he paused, "it's going to be ok. You. Are going to be ok. I can help you. And together, we, will get you over this hump." 

Along with those words, a new, limited time, prescription, and a shortlist of helps, a stronger determination to learn as much as possible, she headed back out, into the 'sun'...