Mud Pies & Self Worth

Making mud pies is a fun pass time.

I know, I was once quite a mud pie specialist.
I also know, looking at me it may be a little hard to tell at first, but once you get to know me, you might start to notice a little pie making aura wafting about me.


When I was little I made them with quite a lot of care, sometimes not so much, but always with the expectation that "someone" would be a willing pretender for eating my creations.


My Dad was just that masculine example of willingness for me.


What was just a child's game of pretend actually taught me so very much more than the fact that my Dad was awesome.


Why just today, I learned yet another lesson from my mud pie making days. One that I have lived with everyday of my life and never *saw*.


Because of the willingness of my Dad to pretend to, not only eat, but to enjoy, and praise me for my madd skills.


He was teaching me that he *saw* me. In the 'Avitar' sense of the word.


He validated me.

And by so doing let me know that I am a person. A person of worth.


It didn't matter that I was small.


It didn't matter that I was trying to get him to eat a conglomeration of dirt, ditch water, grass blades, sticks, and possibly even a bug carcass for kicks n giggles.


He let me know that I, and what I was doing, and what was important to me, was important to him.


I find it mystifying to think that my mud pie making days were actually teaching me that I.
Me.
Missy.
Am good enough.
Just as I am.


What he was teaching me went much, much deeper than humoring an imaginative child. His actions were actually teaching me a way of expecting to be treated by others.
And how to treat them.


Now behold, as a person of 'Good Enough', I want you to know, YOU are good enough too!!


Just as you are!!


Arguing is futile on this subject.
I am choosing to *see* you.


Yes you.


As a 'Person of Good Enough', through and through!


Now let's go make some mud pies!!!


I call dibs on the chair!!!

A Memory

What would you pay for a memory?

I guess it depends a lot on what the memory is, how old it is, who is involved, and If it's even possible to find it to buy.

I have carried with me, from my fourth birthday, an important to me memory. It is of the first gift I ever remember receiving.
Oh, I know I was given gifts before, but this was the first I can still, after all these years, remember .


The search for this particular memory has spanned decades. Honestly I thought it would remain just a memory.
Then came eBay.
I searched many a time there. I searched out of print books sites and came up blank.
Many times.


Then one day, a month or so ago, I was surfing the Internet for some thing. I don't remember what it was. When of a sudden I was looking at a photo of memory!


It was on eBay, turns out there were two books listed.
I only needed one.
I didn't want to haggle, so I went for the sure thing, the buy it now option.


My youngest Grand daughter likes feeling the Fuzzy Ducks fuzz every bit as much as I do.

All The Marbles...

Here it is.
All the marbles...or should I say all the pictures?

I have been being totally intimidated by my iPhone all week end.

All I want to do is to get the pictures I have taken on my phone, over to my desktop computer.
Not a hard thing right?

Not when I'm involved apparently.

My first attempt was-traumatic.

A friend came and helped me get started, then needed to go. It was taking a really long time and neither of us could figure out why.

Well when it eventually finished doing its thing.

HOURS later.

I was horrified to find that it did NOT put any of the pictures from my phone onto my computer, but rather, put ALL the pictures from my computer onto my phone.

I was impressed that it held 11022 pictures.

Be that as it may, I was not impressed that I could not get them to erase off the phone.

So in a panic I set off for the phone store just around the corner, the panic on my face must have been evident. As the woman who was destined to try to help listened to my dilemma, her face frozen into a smile, said, "I have no idea what to do. Let me go ask some one who has been here longer."

Soon everyone was, impressed that it held that many pictures, Wondering, "Why" I have that many on my computer in the first place and living with the understanding that none of us knew what to do to get them off.

When in walks a couple I know, they asked what all the hub-bub was about, nut shell explanation and my friend says, "Oh that's easy".

May I just tell you that those words were music to my ears!

I went home and did as he recommend, with totally different results.

But I got a plan hatched.

I took ALL the pictures from my computer, (by the way the reason I have so many-besides the fact that I love photos, is that I dabble in professional photography). So I took them all and put them into one folder, then transferred them all to my external hard drive, then deleted them from my computer, re-synced the phone and VIOLA! It worked.

In a way.

I still don't know how to get the pictures from my phone to my computer...

So I am emailing them to myself.

So there you go. It's either all the marbles, or I've lost my marbles, one or the tother...

I Am Damaged...And Dangerous :)

I saw this quote the other day and it has had me thinking...

I believe this can be true.

I also believe it depends on where a person is in their/our damagedness.

It is hard to see our survival skills when things in our world are crashing and crumbling all around us.

It's one of those hind sight strengths. The kind you can often only see from the view of looking back, and apparently it doesn't really work looking back from half way through things.

I wonder why that is?

But I have come to learn, and believe!! That I have survived some hard things, I may still carry the scar's from the damages, but I survived them!

There is bound to be other things ahead, that will be hard and try to damage me, and you.

How do I know that, you may wonder, it is simply because we are alive.

I guess damaged people really are dangerous...Because we KNOW we can survive!!

So join me when I say,
"I can do hard things. I am a survivor. I am strong!!"

Say it loud!!

Say it Proud!!!

I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!
I AM DOING A GREAT JOB!!


And if you find yourself in the midst of those hard things that tend to damage us... Remember this, Tomorrow will come. And with it peace will return. And if it doesn't return tomorrow, it will the next day...and if to many day's pass and peace doesn't return?

ASK SOMEONE for help!

It does not mean you are weak, it doesn't mean you have given up.
I believe that when we ask for help, we are taking an active role in our own well being.

And that right there is a good thing!!

So whether you find yourself in times of personal peace, or eyeball deep in hard things. Please! Keep breathing!!

Be strong!!

Seasons First Fishing Trip

Oh my goodness!


Saturday morning I thought I would just run myself up to the store for a few BBQ items, be right back, then head up to the drink for some fishing and trail walking.


Everything was going according to plan. The schedule was being carried out to perfection.


Until about fifteen minutes into the plot when I arrived at the little market only to find...




I was sure this was a major snag in the days plans.
For I did not plan on the kindness of a stranger, and her equally kind husband. Who was shoving a heavily laden shopping cart at the snails pace of the checkout line. Invites me to move In front of them in the line.

Thanking them profusely, I was on my way much faster.


After all we had big plans.


We had big plans to go fishing!
What we didn't plan on. In fact what we, along with a lot of other people seemed to have forgotten was a very important tid-bit of relative importance, was the necessity of a little thing called..."UV Protection".
As our little group trouped up yon hill to the awaiting wind whipped drink, only one, thought to ask if anyone brought sunscreen, she alone had he foresight to actually apply it.
She alone came away not bearing the painful first sunburn of the season, in one form or another.


No fish were caught, but that did not dampen spirits for future ventures.


I, and my sunscreen covered grand daughter, not being much along the lines of fisher type persons, chose to walk the somewhat freshly completed path, whilst the others remained to monitor bobbers.


Twas a good day!!

How It Really Went Down...

The way it really went down...

I did set my alarm to wake up an hour earlier, it did go off at the designated time.

I did sit up.

My head started to swim, then a sharp pounding started up on the right side, clutching it in a grip I hoped would hold it all together I lay back down very fast-the alarm would eventually stop, right?

That's about the time the coughing fit decided to rip at my throat, try to collapse my chest, pop my back, and cause breathing to be virtually nonexistent for a few seconds, which in turn got the pounding in my head to return with a vengeance.

Once I regained a semblance of composure, I got up and shuffled to the kitchen with an 'airborne tablet' clutched in my hand.
Dropping it into the small glass of water where it could begin to work its magic. Since I didn't have my glasses on, I tried to lengthen out, then shorten my reach enough to rest near the tip of my nose, and eventually, I be able to squintily focus enough for reading the package of cold and sinus headache medicine, to see if I had enough symptoms to gain solice from ingesting the required amount.

Yep.

So I washed the two pills down with the effervescent orange flavored vitamin mixture, that made my eyes water and was not a bit pleasant, then returned to my room.

The dogs where needing to go out a.s.a.p., and Tiny Dancer would soon be there to jump on the bed with them, so I dressed in my exercise clothing, that I had set out the night before, finishing off with my scarf and coat, out the door we headed.

I had hopes of the usual chill air helping to clear some of my breathing ailments, with the added hope of it not irritating the pounding in my noggin... it was warmer than usual, and I thought what a beautiful morning it would have been to go walking...when I was seized with another coughing fit, almost losing my balance as the brave little beasties startled into different directions, ending with my legs tangled in the leashes.  

Once back in the relative safety of my room, I did a few gentle yoga stretches, then gave myself one more day to be sick, thinking of the time I will be feeling better and enjoying good health all the more for this miserable time...


This morning found me with a lot less sinus problems, coughing to a minimum (yeah!) and a wind coming straight out of the East canyon thinking its dancing the Wyoming plains, the wind that could freeze your eyeballs open in seconds...

Indoor exercising is a good place to start don't you think?

Facing The Fat...I Mean Facts

I love food.

The more flavors the better-I say!

A party for your mouth!!

The problem with my loving food is that, oddly enough, I have gained a smidgen bit more weight than I feel comfortable with.
(Did you hear the sarcasm in the typing there?)

I would like to tell you that all the gained weight is chalked up to hypothyroidism, and/or 'setteling years'. However, that would be only half of the story.

The other half of the story is that I am not as active as I once was.
(There's a shocker for ya-huh?).

I also would like to have placed as firm evidence, that eating late supper's then being sedentary for the remainder of the evening, is very helpful...IF...you want to become a Sumo wrestler.

So health and lifestyle being what it is, can only be changed... IF... I do something about it.

I have set goals, seen Dr's, threatened to start exercising, stopped eating chocolate (That was a total surprise to me, I have NO IDEA why that even happened...I am NOT complaining about that little perk AT ALL).

I even went so far as to accumulate two small dogs to encourage me to go out walking...riiight.
They don't like snow, wet, cold, or mud...they are Princesses~

Well I can no longer procrastinate the inevitable, I have to get moving.

So today.
(this was written on my Birthday by the way).
I set the alarm an hour early, then promptly shut it off when the darn thing started buzzing under my pillow, at 'to early o clock'...Birthday, remember?

Later in the day I went for a walk, not long, but a walk.
The weather was beautiful.
The sun warm.
Not a breeze even stirring the Spring air.

It was delightful.

I set my alarm after dinner tonight, placing it a distance from the bed, so I have to get up to shut it off, plus, I set out my walking attire.

I will let you know how it really goes down...

Fifty Three...

I am not really sure how to start this post.
It is a hard one for me you see.


Why, you might ask?

Well it's like this...


Six years ago on January 30th, I became an orphan.

Don't get me wrong, I was a Gramma myself by then, But let me tell you , the first year after Mom was gone, was a bit of a stickler for me, the waves of nostalgia, sadness and missing would hit suddenly, yet seemed to pass quickly. Replaced by happy memories.

It is true. I do still head for the phone to call her, if I have a question, have heard a good joke I think she would like, or need advice on something, or just to talk, only to get half way there and remember...

She does stop by to visit now and again, in a dream, or maybe while I am doing the dishes in a hurry, I can usually hear her voice in my head, 'Don't you think you should slow down a little and do them right? Don't forget to sweep the floors. It's all part of doing the dishes". Or it could be in a thought as I talk to the picture she had taken for her 80th Birthday, "Hi Momma", I can almost hear her say,'Hi Punkin.'


This year is different.
I wish more than ever that I could pick up the phone, or better yet, go have a good long visit with her.

You see I have a lot of questions I would ask her right now!


Because you see the thing that makes this year different than all the rest is this; I am her age...

1919~2005

 Forty years ago January 31, my Daddy passed away.

That first year was hard for me, I was thirteen. I missed him so much I would walk or ride my bike up to the cemetery every night after school and sit there...missing him, the first half year after he had to go...

He stops by now and again to visit, maybe in a dream, a song on the radio, in a thought. Sometimes I think I can feel him watching the night sky beside me like we used to do.
I still get hit with waves of nostalgia, missing and sadness. These feelings pass pretty quickly, replaced by the happy memories.

Its been long enough that I can't clearly remember the exact way he walked, or the sound of his voice, but I still talk to his picture, "Hi Daddy. You know...I miss you today. Smile if you miss me too, k?"
He does, every single time I ask him.
I know I would recognize everything about him in a heartbeat.

I stop by his photo more often these days and wish I could ask him some questions.

You see I have a lot of them I would ask him right now!

Because you see, the thing that makes this year different than all the rest is this; I am his age...

1919~1972

I miss them both terribly right now.

This year I will be fifty three.

My Daddy passed away when he was fifty three.

This year I will be out living a parent.

And it is sort of freaky.

My Mom became a widow at fifty three.

And it is sort of freaky.

So right now, I am being pulled around in a whirlpool of new emotions, mixed in liberally with nostalgia, missing and sadness, along with being lifted gently and sweetly by wonderful memories...

One thing that I have found a little curious is the fact that while they passed away so many years apart, it was only a day's difference.

And just as odd, both funeral's were held on February 3rd...

I hope they went dancing!

Happy Anniversary

Today is our wedding anniversary.

We met at his cousin's house on Christmas Eve. It was not a blind date, it was more of a blind meeting. I was invited up and he was invited down. The goal being that we would be there at the same time.
When I arrived I was shown a little wallet sized picture of a very broad shouldered red headed hunk. "His hair isn't all that red anymore", they reassured me. Who was looking at the hair color when he had such a great smile and did I mention his shoulder's?
Besides I had quite a penny colored head of hair going on myself.
All the 'Sun In',in the world could not change that fact.
Well about the time they figured he was to shy to come and had about given up, there came a knock at the door and in walked cousin and three of his friends.
I am not sure to this day if I was whisked, or dragged into the kitchen and given the run down on cousin, his friends, and who thought who was hot and to not go there...Not a problem.
The cousin had me at hello.
That is, when he finally did get the chance to say hello.
He reassures me that I had him when he spied me being chaperoned to the kitchen.

We were married at tender ages.
Now thirty-six years later, we look back and wonder how that much time has passed, when it still feels new to us.

He was my Honey then...

He is my Honey now...

He is The Angel By My Side.

"You don't have to promise me the moon or stars . . . just promise that you will stand under them with me."

Positive What's?

Affirmations.
I know your picturing 'the Secret', and maybe in a way that is it. I did not learn about positive affirmation's this way.


The way I was introduced to the power of positive affirmations was in 2006, when a young woman named Kirstin agreed to come speak to a small group of women who were gathering for a 'Summer Social' for our church. 
She would be speaking on 'The power within', or so the little orange flyer delivered to my front door touted, along with a luncheon.


I'm pretty social, and I like food, so I thought I'd go.


Kirstin began by asking for a volunteer from the audience, to come up and help her for just a moment, Teressa was chosen. Kirstin first had her put her hands facing up with her arms out stretched, next she asked her to hold them firm while she pushed down, not much give. Next, she asked Teressa to say out loud something she was not good at, one time. Once it was said, Kirstin again pushed down on Teressa's up lifted hands, this time there was no strength, zip, zilch, nada, and her arms quickly dropped.
Kirstin then explained that each time, we hear, or repeat, something negative it takes twenty times of hearing the opposite to come back to ground zero, as it were. So she took the negative comment, 'I'm not very good on the computer.' and reversed it to a positive, 'I am, very good on the computer.' Teressa repeated it twenty times and this time, when Kirstin pushed on her up turned hands, the hold was stronger than even the first time.


OK, she had my attention.


During the presentation it was pointed out that we often repeat negative things we have heard, seen or been told, throughout our life, adding in new ones as they come, in all their various forms, often without our even knowing about them, and add them to 'the loop' of our self talk.


Face it, we really do talk to ourselves more than anyone else, we are after all, are with us all the time.


That doesn't even begin to touch the things that come to us through the media! It takes milliseconds for negative information to reach a person's mind when they look at a picture in a magazine and start beating themselves up.

Oh yeah, it's all added to the loop of self talk, zinging us when ever it can!


She encouraged us to take the things we tell ourselves, that are negative, and write them down if we can, then to write the positive and opposite. She also encouraged us to begin our affirmation's with 'I am', instead of 'I'm', as much as humanly possible, because there is much more power in those words than you realize. Also, to make it as present as possible.


For instance,'I'm not really very good on the computer.' would become, 'I'm becoming very good on the computer.', but most effective if said, 'I am, very good on the computer.'


The more we hear that, we are, me, right now, not tomorrow, or later, but right now, good at the computer, my brain will take that information and help make it into a reality as fast as it can.


One very important thing you need to know about positive affirmation's is that they are only good for you. Not for someone else. For instance, 'I am helping my daughter, she is very good on the computer'. Not a happenin thing, sorry. 


Armed with this new information I headed home, rounded up a notebook and began keeping track, over the next couple of day's, of the negative things I told myself.


I was shocked!


I next sat down to reverse them to positive, and putting them in present context. Then I wrote those down in one of those little mini, composition notebook's I like so much, and began repeating them, frequently throughout the day...


I have replaced new Year's resolution's with affirmation's. Updating during the year as needed, I also never reevaluate my list until after the new year, I like to do it best in the summer... but that's just me :)

  




p.s. If I can help you find more information, or help with the writing of some of your affirmations to help get you started,  I would be happy to help. Drop me a line at missysplaceover@gmail.com

Resolutions ? No Thank You

I don't make new year's resolutions.

I haven't for many years.

The reason being, I would make a list of things I wanted to do,or to stop doing, then it seemed that I would sooner, rather than later, take that cute little note book I had purchased to put my list into, set it down someplace and forget where I put it.

Once upon a time, I attend a women's meeting where the speaker talked about positive affirmations.
She may very well have been there just for me, because it was something I had desperately needed to learn about, yet didn't even know it.


From that time on I have made a list of positive affirmations for myself, that I read every morning. I am not a professional and I do not claim to be one, but I have had greater success with the affirmations than I ever did with resolutions.


Then one day as I was blog surfing I ran across this post about Mondo Beondo Lists  I was impressed and soon incorporated this into my life as well.
Honestly, I do not know how it works, only that it does. Later I read on that same blog about how she picks a word for the year. Again, I feel impressed to incorporate this into my growing little arsenal of self help information.

So while it is legally past the 'normal' time of setting New Year's Resolutions, I live on  undeterred.
I just dug out the cute little notebook I picked up last year, for my go at this year.
The same way I make my journal's only in miniature...

I shall begin, taking as many days as it takes, to write my positive affirmation list, reviewing my Mondo Beyondo list, added to the new addition of "One Little Word".


The word I have chosen for this first year is "Alive", as in having life; living; existing; not dead or lifeless, in a state of action; in force or operation; active: to keep hope alive, full of energy and spirit; lively: having the quality of life; vivid; vibrant...


I will be making something to prominently place, to help me remember my "word", a few affirmations and I'm set.

Fat Arms & Skinny Sleeves

I don't really care to shop, least of all for clothes.
    
You see, it is glaringly obvious, to myself, even if other's either don't see it... poor soul's, I don't know how long their eye sight has been out of whack. Or if they can see, but comment to the contrary to save me hurt feelings...Bless their kind hearts! 

Be that as it may. Clothes don't lie.
  
The other day I found myself wanting a new dress to wear to church, so off to the shop I went. I found no dresses that appealed to my quirky sense of style more than what I have found in a recent mail order catalog I received. So instead I went on a blouse search.
  
I found the cutest blue slip-on bohemian style top, one that I thought fit my personality and hopefully my...me...so off to the fitting rooms I went.
  
Lucky for me there was one open so I didn't have to wait.

Yippee for me!!
  
Stepping in and locking the door I readied for the fitting. Stealing a quick glance over my shoulder, shuttering slightly at the rear view sight of me in a full length mirror. Grabbed the blouse off its hanger, both of us completely unaware of the upcoming trauma.
  
As a child I learned to put my head through the neck opening first, then one arm at a time into the sleeves. And so the procedure began smooth enough.

Facing the mirror I slipped my head through the neck opening, noticing how nice the blouses color made my eye's brighter, this made me smile.

This was a good thing.

To save time I slipped both arms into the sleeves at the same time.

This was not good.

You see the blouse body was comfortably loose with bell sleeves. The neck had lifted with the upward thrust of my arms into the sleeves causing a slightly uncomfortable tightening up under my chin. My arms were up so the blouse, in theory, could slip easily down into place. It would have worked, if it hadn't been for two of the slightest of slight miscalculations on my part.

Both related to size.

Bell sleeves are so named because of the bell shape being slightly smaller at the top while widening as it goes down the arm. My arms, I discovered a smidgen to late, are not necessarily smaller at the top, but rather thicker there...

There I stood looking into my own eye's, with both arms wedged upright over my head, secure in the confines of the now stretchless sleeves, my head looking as though it were resting on a pretty blue platter.

"Humm!Whell this isn't good." I muttered to the reflection in that mirror.

Obviously the blouse needed to come back off...

I reached with one hand for the opposite sleeve to pull. However, this movement caused the blouse to shift ever so slightly, rendering my arm out of reach. And you know the funny thing about that action is that it also does the same thing if tried with the other arm reaching for the other sleeve.

Sort of like a see-saw.

I know this because I tried it...a few times. Causing those lovely bell sleeves to snuggle just a little tighter around my upper arms while the belled cuff's wilted entirely out of reach.

"Oh scrud!" (that's a Utah word I think), "Now what am I going to do?" my mind went blank while I leaned over, as if the slight gravitational pull would cause the blouse to travel in reverse.

It did not.

It did however, cause the cuff's to flip back down to my wrists. I stood back up repeating the see-saw move, this time while traveling in a small circle, first one direction, the the reverse. Because going in circles might help right?

All this activity achieved nothing.

Standing back up to consult the still platter headed reflection on what steps to take next, I noticed she was slightly more ruffled than I.

Standing there with my orangutan posture I thought, "Please don't let me have to walk out of here for help. I would rather have to pay for a torn blouse than that!"

Tipping upside down once again,I managed to grasp the edge of one sleeve and hang on.

This was it!

I tugged slightly and felt the fabric encasing my wedged arm give ever so slightly. I tugged again with the same results.
By repeating this process in quick succession I was able to sufficiently free up one arm enough to relieve the tension under my chin, and in turn relieve the strangle hold the other sleeve had on me. Standing up straight now I was able to shimmy the shirt up far enough to lower my arms and remove it entirely.

I meticulously checked all the seams to be sure none were in jeopardy of coming undone from the near acrobatic experience.

It appeared to be in good shape.

Turning to the now totally rumbled reflection in the mirror I stated, "What say we don't do that ever again."


She must have agreed because we were out walking the next day.

By the way the perfect blouse... turned out to be a button up ;)